Shirdi Sai Prayers From Anonymous Sai Devotee from USA:
I am small devotee of Baba who keeps hurting Him by disobeying His orders.
I am praying to Baba to help me with my family life. I love my husband very much and he is a very good person. However, I have problem with his family because of which my marital life is not so happy and we always fight over it. I am a very emotional person and consider everyone as my family. I love everyone and think well of others. My father married me in this family since we have known them from generations and they have been our relation. However, this family has a bad habit of teasing others when anyone is down. My husband is a jewel in such a family. Since my marriage, I tried to be part of this family but they never accepted me in their family at all. Initially my in-laws did not talk to me very much. My husband consoled me that they are uneducated and do not know how to react. But this was not the same with other daughter-in-law (husband’s uncle’s daughter-in-law) who got married at the same time with us. She was treated well and my in-laws talked to her with detailed conversation. Even in kitchen, when I stood to help my in-law, she never spoke to me even a word. I did not bother much about it as I was informed by many that she is a reserved lady and since I do not stay with them and we will be moving to USA. But it always hurt me since however, I tried to be close to them, neither was I accepted as a daughter nor was I accepted as a daughter-in-law. Even though I am very educated and more learned than my husband, they accepted things that I need to know. They teased me when I was jet lagged and sleeping. They teased me so many times and hurt me. My education was interrupted when we moved to USA and due to my husband’s improper plan and immaturity. I lost several of my important years. This in addition, to my in-laws not accepting me in their family, made me to go into the depression. I speak loudly and cannot tolerate injustice.
When I told my husband or in-laws about the way they treat me and hence my depression, they spread it in my entire village that I fight and don’t know how to behave. Imagine my parents. They could not show their face anywhere and everyone stopped talking to them. I fought with my husband and went into depression. I was treated for depression. My relationship with his family was never solved and day by day they completely avoided me and never communicated with me. They just wished him. This never got solved and I just started my higher education and continued my life. All his family members including his sister, relatives avoided me and would text or call only my husband to wish for the festivals. They completely cut me from the family. I felt bad and left to Baba. But I and my husband used to have frequent fights and we lost mental peace. I gained weight due to stress from PCOS and it was difficult to conceive. I underwent multiple IVF. By Baba’s grace, I conceived. I had to take daily 3 intramuscular injections while training for my fellowship which was very stressful, still none of his family asked me how was I doing. Due to stress and infection, I lost my baby. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. Neither they communicated with me when I did not conceive after so many IVF and after so many years, nor they communicated with me after my Baba was gone. Leave aside being in-laws, but as a human being who does not have that consciousness to communicate with another person when suffering.
I am a doctor and much learned than him. Now I lost hopes in my life that can make us live together as a family. I don’t want to leave my husband as I love him very much. But I cannot continue with his family who never even bothered to ask how I was after I lost my baby. They take money from my husband and they call him for every medical problem. None of them even ask me once. They did not have the courtesy to call even once to ask about me.
I have left to Baba. I don’t think I can stay like this. I am completely burned out physically and mentally. Either Baba should give me the strength to suicide or give his family to accept me and love me. I did not ask anything else from them; just consider me as their family member. Now I cannot tolerate this anymore and everyday I feel I am loosing. I was so intelligent, beautiful and multitasking and multitalented. Now I am not at all interested in anything. I don’t know why Baba is testing me so much and making me go through this hell. I cannot live like this. Baba, please help me. Either give me the strength to suicide (I cannot so far because of my parents and my family who love me so much, my dad is a hear patient and my mom is diabetic) or please let them accept me and love me. I cannot live and leave like this. I have left everything to You now. I am ok with whatever You decide now in those two options. Om Sairam!